Wise Men And Waffles
by Merluza
Summary: This is not meant to offend anyone. Take it lightheartedly : It is the birth of Jesus with a futuristic view including a helicopter, a bottle opener and Waffles.


"We come bearing gifts of gold, frankinsense and Waffles" Said the first wise man.

"Except we kind of ate the waffles on the way, well it was a long walk! we were going to collapse. Besides, they were going cold anyway and by the time the kid is old enough to eat solids the waffles will have gone mouldy. Do you really want to feed your kid mouldy waffles? Do you?'' Said the second wise man.

"But hey, here's the gold and frankinsense. Sorry, they're a bit sticky from the syrup on the waffles." Said the thrid wise man.

"Ah, come, join our humble abode!" Mary welcomed them.

"Hang on a minute! Did you just say you ate the waffles?" Said the first wise man.

"Yes. Why? Is there a problem?" Said the second wise man.

"Yes there bloody well is a problem..." The first wise man answered.

"Language!" The third wise man said.

"...You know how much I love waffles! I paid for those!" The first wise man continued, ignoring the third wise man's warning.

"Well you said you were full up from that barbecue you went to and..."

"I don't bloody care, you could have at least offered..." The first wise man yelled.

"Excuse me? Young ears!" Said the third wise man, pointing to the baby.

"They were presents for the happy family! You had no right to eat them!" The first wise man yelled louder.

"Erm...ahem...it's no problem, Mary's watching her figure anyway and I've just had dinner, and as the second wise man said...' Joseph started.

"Please, call me Alan" The second wise man said.

"Oh sorry...erm...as _Alan_ said, the baby can't eat them."

"Sorry, I'm just tired from all the walking. So, Mary, thought of any names yet?"

Mary smiled politely. "Well, I was thinking of Gordon, or Moses. What do you think?"

"Hang on a minute, I though we agreed on Jesus!" Joseph interrupted.

"Well, I changed my mind okay?"

"No it's not okay. He looks like a Jesus. Besides, Gordon? Are we the parents of a new born 80 year old?"

"I think it's a sweet name."

"Well I don't! We agreed on Jesus!" Joseph said, as the tension was rising.

"Well I'm the one who gave birth to him! I got the stretch marks, felt all the pain, I couldn't even drink alcohol! Aren't I at least entitled to choose a name for this baby?"

"Gabriel told us to call it Jesus though." Joseph pointed out.

"Well it's not Gabriel's baby is it?

"No, but..."

"Exactly. And when Gabriel has a baby he can call it what he wants!"

There was an awkward silence. The only sound was a loud helicopter flying past. Enter the three shephards.

"Hey people, is this where the party is?" One Shepard asked.

"What party?" The second wise man, Alan, replied.

"Y'know, the one for the baby?"

"Oh. Yes. Well, it's not a party as such, more of a social gathering."

The Shepard ignored Alan's comment and headed straight for Mary and Joseph, who both had very grim expressions on their faces. He handed them a bottle of Chardonnay and a card.

"Thanks." Joseph replied coldly.

"Oooh, you wouldn't think there was a party around here!" A second shepard commented. Realising that everyone seemed depressed and not willing to talk, he stopped talking.

"If there's anything you want to talk about, my door's always open." The third shepard offered. He had recently graduated from the University of Jerusalem and had a degree in couselling.

"Speaking of doors, is there one round here? The cold December draft if getting to me and I didn't wear my fleecey robe." The third wise man said.

No-one answered. The atmosphere was awkward and no-one seemed in the mood to have a conversation.

"Y'know I really feel like waffles right now." The third shepard said. The wise men exchanged a glance.

"Well if SOMEONE didn't eat them all we would have some." The first wise man said, casting an accusing look at Alan. Alan rolled his eyes up.

"Hey, why don't we lighten the atmosphere and have a drink?" The first shepard suggested.

"Great idea, I'll get the glasses." Alan volunteered.

"Oh crap, we forgot the bottle opener." The first shephard said.

"Well it just so happens that I know a friend of a friend of a friend who sells bottle openers. Why don't I call him?" The first wise man said.

"Brilliant idea. While you do that I'll put some music on." The third wise man said.

Hours passed and finally the bottle opener arrived.

"Anyone order a bottle opener?" A voice asked.

"Whaaayyyy!" The wise men and shepards cheered.

"Gabriel? You're the bottle opener dealer?" Mary asked, shocked.

"Yes. Thought I'd earn myself a little part time cash." Gabriel replied.

"You two know each other?" The first wise man asked.

"Yeah, Gabriel told me to call the baby Jesus." Mary replied.

"Aha." The first wise man said, deciding not to mention the arguement earlier.

"Small world isn't it?" Gabriel said.

Then the music was playing and the wise men and some shepards were dancing and talking. The atmosphere was definately better. The third shepard gave Mary and Joseph relationship counselling and soon they too were up dancing to Mary's favourite song. As the night drew to a close they played charades and I spy and eventually, after they exchanged e-mail addresses and mobile numbers, the shepards and wise men went home.


End file.
